Worry Wart

I am, by nature, a worrier.

I’m sure this comes as a big shock to all of you who know me and even the ones who have only read about my life on this blog.  Not.  Although I may occasionally come across as very laissez-faire the truth is my brain is usually firing on all synapses.  (That may or may not be something I just completely made up.)  The ADD within me will not allow me to rest for very long without coming up with some problem that means big time trouble.

Lately, however, I haven’t had much to worry about.  I’m out of school, I have the best and easiest job in the world and I don’t have any really stressful issues in my life at the moment.  Until this week.

For some reason this week has nearly done me in.  On Monday I had to send out parent newsletters for my students.  Not a big deal, but this month I had to ask for extra money because of an added fee, and then deal with the outcry.  Stress.  Tuesday I got myself all worked up over something so silly I don’t even want to go into the details because it’s so ridiculous (and I’d like to walk away from this blog with a little bit of pride still intact).  Stress.  Wednesday I had a little car accident.  I’m not even sure if it can be classified as an accident since it happened between me and a parked car, but still… Stress. 

So, after spending a few days upset for other reasons Wednesday’s Stress Factor was through the roof.  I could spend hours berating myself for making such a stupid mistake, because a PARKED car?  Hello?  When did I flash back in time to become a my 16 year-old self?

However easy it would be for me to completely freak out over everything, I’m not… anymore.  When I can’t give myself grace then I find it in my parents.  Even though I’m a 26 year-old semi-adult I look to Doug and Judy for help a lot, and they always come through for me.  As silly as it may sound, when you are a worrier, you spend a lot of time expecting people to be disappointed in you; but when they aren’t, when someone says ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘it’s happened to everyone’ it feels like a miracle.

I don’t know why I should be so surprised.  My parents have never beaten me or berated me over a silly mistake before (and I promise you there’s been plenty of opportunities).  But, their kindness still surprises me.  They are tangible evidence of God’s grace in my life.

So, I am writing this post for three reasons:

1. To say thank you to my parents.  And to you, if you have coaxed me out of a nearly catatonic state of worry before.

2. To say I’m sorry to Flo (my car) and that other car.  I don’t know where my brain was, but clearly it had left the building when I scraped up against a PARKED car.

3. To promise that I am going to try and be better.  I’ll try not to worry as hard or as much anymore, since it doesn’t accomplish much and I don’t want to wind up in a padded room.

Now, I’m off to figure out how to stop worrying.  I wonder if there’s some sort of 12-step program.