A Really Good Friday

Reposted from April 2, 2010

 

‘Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governor’s headquarters, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him.

As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross. And when they came to a place called Golgotha (which means Place of a Skull), they offered him wine to drink, mixed with gall, but when he tasted it, he would not drink it. And when they had crucified him, they divided his garments among them by casting lots. Then they sat down and kept watch over him there. And over his head they put the charge against him, which read, "This is Jesus, the King of the Jews." Then two robbers were crucified with him, one on the right and one on the left. And those who passed by derided him, wagging their heads and saying, "You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross." So also the chief priests, with the scribes and elders, mocked him, saying, "He saved others; he cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him.  He trusts in God; let God deliver him now, if he desires him. For he said, 'I am the Son of God.'" And the robbers who were crucified with him also reviled him in the same way.

Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" that is, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" And some of the bystanders, hearing it, said, "This man is calling Elijah." And one of them at once ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine, and put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink. But the others said, "Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to save him." And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit.

And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, "Truly this was the Son of God!"’

Matthew 27:27-54 (ESV)

The Merriest Of Christmases

I’ve been thinking a lot this season about the manger birth of Christ all those years ago.  Obviously, I think about it every year, but some years the sweetness and truth of the story pierces my heart in a new way.  What I can’t get out of my head this year is that the King of Kings was born in a manger.  It is so precious to me that God chose to come into the world in such a lowly manner.  He could have been born in a golden throne room (this, clearly, would have been my choice), but instead He came into the world surrounded by livestock.

Recently, on the news, I heard one of those stories about a baby whose mother gave birth and then left her child in a dumpster.  I think about that sweet innocent baby and wonder how it will ever know how cherished it is- how special and important he or she is in the eyes of God.  This season, it seems to me that Christ came as He did so that none of us can look at Him and think He’s unreachable.  He didn’t come to save someone “better than” or “richer than” you.  He came to save you and me.  And he was born in the lowest imaginable location so even that baby, brought into the world under the saddest of conditions, can know that Christ understands us.  Our fears and sorrows, our joys and weaknesses.  He understands.  One of my favorite lines in the hymn ‘O Holy Night’ says “the King of Kings lay in a lowly manger, in all our trials born to be our friend.  He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger.”  It’s sometimes mind blowing, but I still believe it’s true.

The lowly infant born in the manger truly is the King of Kings.  I hope He’s the King of your life. 

 

And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for ALL the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:10-12 ESV (emphasis- mine)

Life Under Construction

I don’t know if you do much driving, but this summer has been “The Summer of The Car” in my little world.  It explains a lot about why I haven’t written anything on my blog in about a month… I was too busy driving in my car.  All summer long I had been leaving my parents house on Monday morning and driving about an hour and a half to work, then I would drive about 20 minutes to a friends apartment and spend the week with her- driving back and forth to work everyday.  On Fridays I would make the trip home again and the whole process would begin anew Monday morning.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  Towards the middle of July the friend whose house I was staying at moved (out of the country) and I was sent into a tailspin.  I stayed with a friend one week who lived about 40 minutes from work, one week I drove from my parents home (an hour and a half BOTH WAYS.  I was seriously questioning my sanity) every day and in the midst of all that I’ve been driving to interviews all over creation.  I’m not positive about the exact number, but I think it’s safe to say I put something like 200,000 miles on my car.

All that time in the car this summer put me in the way of some serious construction zones.  Here’s the thing about construction zones: they’re annoying.  Incredibly annoying.  I think all of us can agree that (for the most part) we realize the necessity of highway construction and we appreciate that, in the end, it’s gonna be a wonderful thing for us.  But DURING the construction?  Miserable, awful and annoying. 

What I’ve noticed lately though is that my life is sitting in the middle of a construction zone.  I’ve been searching for a job all summer and I’ve been waiting to find a new place to live until after I have a job.  And all the waiting has felt like gridlock.  Annoying, headache-inducing gridlock.  It seems that God has decided to take every comfort I never knew I was clinging onto and strip them away until the only comfort is Him.  From financial security to pride God has decided to light fire to things that are not eternal and while I see that the end product will probably bring me greater joy, right now?  I’m stuck in traffic and the car is starting to overheat.

I can’t help but think that one day (in the not-so-distant future) I’m going to really regret having written this post.  I’ll look back and laugh and say to myself: “you were such a drama queen!  Of course you had to learn that lesson, but why did you have to share it on the public domain?”.  Oh, the mid-twenties.  They are a veritable smorgasbord of insecurities.  But, I don’t have a diary that I write in every day and the whole purpose of writing a blog is to record my life and share it with others.  Whether it be about life’s big questions or about my inability to spell the word rhythm.  I mean I’d love to be able to come on my blog and write another post about how much I truly loved Shark Week (because I truly did), but the truth of the matter is, life isn’t really that pretty right now and writing about my gruesome fascination with shark attacks isn’t going to change that.  So, I’ve decided instead to just be honest and tell you my life is under construction and some days I don’t know what it all means or what it’s all about, but sooner or later the traffic will ease up and I’ll be moving ahead again.  Until then, I’m living life in a construction zone.

Worry Wart

I am, by nature, a worrier.

I’m sure this comes as a big shock to all of you who know me and even the ones who have only read about my life on this blog.  Not.  Although I may occasionally come across as very laissez-faire the truth is my brain is usually firing on all synapses.  (That may or may not be something I just completely made up.)  The ADD within me will not allow me to rest for very long without coming up with some problem that means big time trouble.

Lately, however, I haven’t had much to worry about.  I’m out of school, I have the best and easiest job in the world and I don’t have any really stressful issues in my life at the moment.  Until this week.

For some reason this week has nearly done me in.  On Monday I had to send out parent newsletters for my students.  Not a big deal, but this month I had to ask for extra money because of an added fee, and then deal with the outcry.  Stress.  Tuesday I got myself all worked up over something so silly I don’t even want to go into the details because it’s so ridiculous (and I’d like to walk away from this blog with a little bit of pride still intact).  Stress.  Wednesday I had a little car accident.  I’m not even sure if it can be classified as an accident since it happened between me and a parked car, but still… Stress. 

So, after spending a few days upset for other reasons Wednesday’s Stress Factor was through the roof.  I could spend hours berating myself for making such a stupid mistake, because a PARKED car?  Hello?  When did I flash back in time to become a my 16 year-old self?

However easy it would be for me to completely freak out over everything, I’m not… anymore.  When I can’t give myself grace then I find it in my parents.  Even though I’m a 26 year-old semi-adult I look to Doug and Judy for help a lot, and they always come through for me.  As silly as it may sound, when you are a worrier, you spend a lot of time expecting people to be disappointed in you; but when they aren’t, when someone says ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘it’s happened to everyone’ it feels like a miracle.

I don’t know why I should be so surprised.  My parents have never beaten me or berated me over a silly mistake before (and I promise you there’s been plenty of opportunities).  But, their kindness still surprises me.  They are tangible evidence of God’s grace in my life.

So, I am writing this post for three reasons:

1. To say thank you to my parents.  And to you, if you have coaxed me out of a nearly catatonic state of worry before.

2. To say I’m sorry to Flo (my car) and that other car.  I don’t know where my brain was, but clearly it had left the building when I scraped up against a PARKED car.

3. To promise that I am going to try and be better.  I’ll try not to worry as hard or as much anymore, since it doesn’t accomplish much and I don’t want to wind up in a padded room.

Now, I’m off to figure out how to stop worrying.  I wonder if there’s some sort of 12-step program.

Alison

In August of 2002 I packed up my car and drove with my parents to DBU where I was starting my freshman year of college.  There aren’t enough words or time to explain how much I loved that first year of college.  Part of the reason that year was so exciting was my incredible roommate Alison.

Our VERY first day in our DBU dorm room in 2002.  (This picture is hilarious for many reasons: 1. our dorm room. 2. the fact that Alison is obviously bending down and I am on my tippy toes so I’ll look tall. 3. Alison’s bed is made and perfect while mine still has junk all over it.  An indicator of many days to come…)

We had so much fun living together and she is, to this day, one of the most thoughtful friends I have.  We were roommates for the next four years, until she graduated and left me. 

One of the first things Alison and I talked about when we met was the fact that our birthdays were not very far apart.  First my birthday, then Christmas/Winter Break and then Alison’s birthday. 

So, today is Alison’s birthday and I’ve compiled a Top 26 list in honor of her 26th birthday. 

Here it goes:

1. Even though her name is Alison, her nickname has been “Cal” since very early on freshman year, and she doesn’t seem to mind it.  Even when people think we’re calling her “cow”.

2. Her nickname is “Cal” because she was flirting with this guy in the coffee shop and he asked what her name was and she replied “Caliente” (Spanish for “hot”).  So we called her Caliente for a while and eventually shortened it to Cal.  I just love this story.  It’s so very Alison.

3. We have stayed friends for a long time, through some truly crazy things.

4. The time we decided on Wednesday that we needed to get away for the weekend so we left Thursday night for Nashville.  Obviously.

5. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (Alison understands).

6. Alison has an endless supply of costumes, which has always made life very interesting.

She wore this TO WORK last Valentine’s Day….

Jennifer, Me, Cal and Katy (All dressed up for the DBU Lip-Synch)

7.  She is a huge encouragement in my life.  Always believing in me.

8. Cal loves her family and they have been a huge blessing to my life too.  Her mom, Patty has been a huge prayer warrior for me and many of Alison’s other friends.  The bond that the Lord has given our friends with our families has been truly incredible.

9. Alison is an amazing teacher and she loves her students very much.

10. Our freshman year of college we had the party room and it was the best!

11. Alison LOVES coffee.  I mean she LOVES it.  I don’t think I know anyone else who gets as much enjoyment from coffee as she does.

12. Alison loves God with all her heart, mind and soul (in other words, more than coffee).

13. One time I had to go to a music performance for a class, and I, of course, put it off till the very last minute.  So, I asked Cal if she would come with me at 5:30 that night- it started at 8:00, luckily, she agreed to come with me and so we headed off to the Symphony together.  It was a really fun night, that I always remember as being one of my favorite roomie things we did.

14. Alison’s ALWAYS up for an adventure (see #13).

15. She is beautiful.  Inside and out!

 

16. She worked in the coffee shop at school for a while and she would always make us the best drinks!  It was so much fun to go to the coffee shop and play music- it was like our own little party place, only with a few extra party-goers.

17. Alison is always willing to take on the leadership role.  Definitely important when you are friends with someone as indecisive as me.

18. She’s never met a stranger.

19. In addition to number 18, if Alison ever needs a place to stay in Timbuktu she will invariably know someone’s cousin’s uncles best friend that lives there.  She never burns a bridge.

20. I don’t really know why I decided to do this, but one time I called Alison on the phone and asked if she would be willing to host a Pimps and Hoes (or P and H) party in our dorm room if I promised to invite only girls.  She agreed and we had, maybe the weirdest party ever, on our little Baptist campus.

21.  We never were troublemakers, but we did get up to a bunch of crazy antics together (see #20). 

22. When we get together we laugh.  A LOT!

23. We have now celebrated 8 birthdays as friends.  Crazy!  When did we get that old?

24. We ALWAYS have fun together!

25. When we lived together Alison would always write me little notes of encouragement that meant so much to me.  I’m telling you people, you haven’t lived until you’ve lived with Alison.

26. I love you, Alison.  You are a dear, sweet friend!

Haiti

I tried to think of something else to write about because I feel others can and have spoken to this subject better than I am able to, but this is the event that is most on my heart and mind today, so….

I can’t begin to fathom the massive undertaking of this search and rescue mission.  Since the quake destroyed Port-au-Prince the capitol of Haiti and 2 million souls live there it’s reasonable to imagine that 2 million people have been effected.  Many are still stuck inside buildings.  I learned yesterday that Haiti is the poorest nation in the western hemisphere.  The devastation is simply unbelievable and I think if I concentrate on it for too long then my heart may break.

It’s difficult to be able to identify with a tragedy so far away, but I just keep thinking that some of the victims were sons, some mothers, others were uncles and some were sweet, innocent babies.  All were children of God. 

Text ‘Haiti’ to 90999 to donate $10 to the American Red Cross or text ‘disaster’ to 90999 to donate the same amount to Compassion International.

Perfect Failure

Well, we are officially eleven days into the new year and eleven days into my January resolution and I am officially exhausted from blogging.

Blogxhausted, if you will.

I think it has less to do with my actual blog, than it does with life.  Something about the new year is exhausting.  I think it has a lot to do with the pressure we put on ourselves.  We think ‘this is it, this is the year’.  The year we get organized, get in shape, get in touch with God, get happy, get perfect. 

It’s difficult to live like that.  Trust me.  I know.

I have spent most of my life trying to be perfect.  As a child and teen I was a ‘good girl’.  I could regale you with stories of my goodness, of how involved I was in church, in service, et cetera.  But it would be pointless, because it was very, very wrong.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the road I had decided that what God required of me was my good behavior.  As a young adult it seemed to me that this was what separated Christians from non-Christians.  Christians didn’t cuss, we didn’t drink and we didn’t go to see R-rated movies.  I began to believe that if I simply didn’t do these things and did go to church and have a quiet time each day then God and I were in good standing with one another.

I’m ashamed to say that I was a senior in college before I realized this made no sense.  I had spent most of my life trying my very hardest, with all of my abilities, to be perfect, to be good, to do what was right and I simply couldn’t do it anymore.  I knew I could never be enough.  Then I heard a pastor speak who said, quite plainly,  that there was nothing that I could do good enough to buy my way into heaven.  He also said that everything that could be done, was already done- on the Cross.  At the Cross, all my failures were paid for.

He went on to say that God was not interested in my begrudging submission, in other words- dragging myself to church every Sunday and not cussing, drinking or movie-watching out of fear.  But that God was interested in my heart and in having an intimate relationship with me.

It’s difficult for me to explain how much this has changed my life, because it’s given me a freedom I didn’t know existed.  I haven’t gone crazy watching every R-Rated movie or drinking any alcoholic beverage I could get my hands on, because it’s a different kind of freedom.  For all of those years I was playing God- trying to make myself worthy through my own good behavior, as if I had control.  When all along there was a much better God who had already done all the work at Calvary.

I robbed myself of so much joy through the years because I honestly believed that if I could just… do more, be more, act better, love harder than He would find it within Himself to love and accept me.  But the thing is, God didn’t come to save some future / perfect version of me- He came to save me.  As I am. 

In other words, GRACE.

My prayer for us all in the new year is that we stop setting ourselves up for disaster.  Stop trying to be better, be more, do more and realize God has already done it for us.  Maybe this is the year we allow God to make us more and more like Him and less like us.

I can assure you we won’t be perfect, but maybe that’s for the best.

 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2: 8-10)