Monday, August 23, 2010

Life Under Construction

I don’t know if you do much driving, but this summer has been “The Summer of The Car” in my little world.  It explains a lot about why I haven’t written anything on my blog in about a month… I was too busy driving in my car.  All summer long I had been leaving my parents house on Monday morning and driving about an hour and a half to work, then I would drive about 20 minutes to a friends apartment and spend the week with her- driving back and forth to work everyday.  On Fridays I would make the trip home again and the whole process would begin anew Monday morning.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  Towards the middle of July the friend whose house I was staying at moved (out of the country) and I was sent into a tailspin.  I stayed with a friend one week who lived about 40 minutes from work, one week I drove from my parents home (an hour and a half BOTH WAYS.  I was seriously questioning my sanity) every day and in the midst of all that I’ve been driving to interviews all over creation.  I’m not positive about the exact number, but I think it’s safe to say I put something like 200,000 miles on my car.

All that time in the car this summer put me in the way of some serious construction zones.  Here’s the thing about construction zones: they’re annoying.  Incredibly annoying.  I think all of us can agree that (for the most part) we realize the necessity of highway construction and we appreciate that, in the end, it’s gonna be a wonderful thing for us.  But DURING the construction?  Miserable, awful and annoying. 

What I’ve noticed lately though is that my life is sitting in the middle of a construction zone.  I’ve been searching for a job all summer and I’ve been waiting to find a new place to live until after I have a job.  And all the waiting has felt like gridlock.  Annoying, headache-inducing gridlock.  It seems that God has decided to take every comfort I never knew I was clinging onto and strip them away until the only comfort is Him.  From financial security to pride God has decided to light fire to things that are not eternal and while I see that the end product will probably bring me greater joy, right now?  I’m stuck in traffic and the car is starting to overheat.

I can’t help but think that one day (in the not-so-distant future) I’m going to really regret having written this post.  I’ll look back and laugh and say to myself: “you were such a drama queen!  Of course you had to learn that lesson, but why did you have to share it on the public domain?”.  Oh, the mid-twenties.  They are a veritable smorgasbord of insecurities.  But, I don’t have a diary that I write in every day and the whole purpose of writing a blog is to record my life and share it with others.  Whether it be about life’s big questions or about my inability to spell the word rhythm.  I mean I’d love to be able to come on my blog and write another post about how much I truly loved Shark Week (because I truly did), but the truth of the matter is, life isn’t really that pretty right now and writing about my gruesome fascination with shark attacks isn’t going to change that.  So, I’ve decided instead to just be honest and tell you my life is under construction and some days I don’t know what it all means or what it’s all about, but sooner or later the traffic will ease up and I’ll be moving ahead again.  Until then, I’m living life in a construction zone.