He May Be In This....

Do you ever doubt God?

I realize this question may be a bit deep for my blog. Especially since I recently wrote a post in praise of an oddly named ice cream. Which, by the way, I would like to clarify my earlier statement- a half a pint of Phish Food and the world does indeed makes sense again, HOWEVER a whole pint of Phish Food and the world becomes a very miserable place. I only share that because y'all know I am nothing but a servant of the people and their need for knowledge.

Anyway, back to my original question. Do you? I'll confess, I do. I'm not proud to admit that, but it's the truth. It's a silly truth considering all the times He's proven faithful to me. It's not a truth I expected to be sharing with the whole wide web. But sometimes the truth is hard to come by, and even harder to admit so I am trying to be as honest as possible. He is often easier for me to believe in at the worst of times but I often loose sight of Him in the small things, the little moments.

Recently, I wrote that I had to go to this thing at my church which was really hard for me because I had to meet a bunch of people. Well, I went to look for a new Homegroup. My church, being all new-fangled and what-not does Homegroup's instead of Sunday School classes. What I did not write about was that I went and have never felt more out of place and uncomfortable. What is meant to make people feel included and wanted made me feel the opposite. This absolutely has more to do with the fact that my psyche is in need of some sort of special case study than it has to do with the kind, sweet people at my church who were trying to do a nice thing. Anyway, at the end of that night I signed up for a homegroup, but was less than thrilled about the situation, and not entirely certain I believed God had really wanted me to be there. I may have even shed a tear or two over the whole thing.

Finally, two weeks ago I went to the homegroup I had signed up for and I was completely surprised. I really thought that God was leading me in a different direction, but I realize now I ended up right where He was leading me. Maybe this isn't the perfect group for me to be meeting with, but maybe there is no such thing as a perfect group. Perhaps, where God was leading me was to fellowship, time with fellow believers each week, to share what God's been doing and to open myself up to others and their lives.

So, while I couldn't imagine it at the time I'm starting to think He may really be in this thing. Of course, I believe in God, but maybe He truly is in every single moment, every decision, every perceived "happenstance". Simply in everything.

I have no pretty bow to tie this post up in. No witty punchline to end things. All I know to say is that I'm going to try harder in the future. That's all I know to do.